It began as a normal morning with a cup of coffee and my significant other, before the chaos of the day began. Most days, it’s an enjoyable conversation, but on this particular morning, we veered into dangerous territory: money. I don’t have a lot of debt, However, I do have some.. My partner on the other hand has none. We made it through the conversation unscathed, but it got me thinking about couples and finances and why it’s so hard to talk about money. Studies show that Money is one of the most persistent, difficult and prevalent issues in marriages, but it’s also an unavoidable topic since it seeps into every part of life. Continue reading to learn how premarital financial counseling may help you.
Why is it so difficult to have a conversation about money between couples?
When two people decide to do life together, it’s much more than a merging of households and families. Michelle CollinsLicensed couple and family therapist.According to him, couples also join their past and future finances. “When couples get married or move in together, they are joining their different orientations toward money.” Our beliefs and views about money are influenced by our family culture, values, past experiences, and family culture. “Your relationship with money develops the language you use when communicating about, interacting with, and showing others how you treat money,” Collins said. “It is common for partners to have different languages about money, and couples often find they don’t have all the tools to translate—and listen—clearly.”
Collins works with couples to examine their family tree and discuss how each individual’s life experiences and views toward money have impacted their own relationship with money. “This conversation allows partners to better understand how the other person has developed their money language and then find ways to translate so they can be successful managing their finances.” Talking about finances as a couple is difficult because we all come to the conversation with different communication tools and financial languages.
What should you do if your relationship is set up for financial success
First, don’t avoid talking about money. Make money a regular topic. Start by having more casual discussions about money and financial goals instead of waiting to discuss money when you’re in the middle of a problem. You can interweave financial goals in the much more fun life goals conversations, like ask about your partner’s plan for retirement if they’re talking about their career goals or how much they would want to spend on a first house when you’re daydreaming together about moving to a big city.
Secondly, don’t shy away from having frequent conversations about financial goals and plans. When you’re taking a big relationship step like moving in together or getting engaged, be open with each other about what debt or assets you’re bringing to the relationship. Have detailed discussions about how marriage will impact your financial situation. For example, whether you will have joint accounts, what expectations you have about personal spending, as well as how children will fit into your financial future. The sooner you are able to identify and understand the different money languages, you will be able to work faster on finding common ground. If you find it difficult to have these conversations on your own then you can always call in a professional.
How do you determine if premarital financial counselling is necessary?
Think of premarital financial counseling like couple’s therapy meets financial counseling. An impartial, trained professional will help you understand your money language and help you make financial decisions. “Premarital financial counseling involves the creation of a budget and the discussion of long-term and short-term financial goals like saving for a home or retirement,” explained Holly Davis, a family law attorney at Kirker Davis LLP. You can also Discuss everything, starting with spending habits and work ethic to how you’ll handle potential difficult financial situations. “Compromises need to be reached when two parties have two very different opinions on big financial topics,” Davis said.
Don’t let the word premaritalDon’t let your guard down. Collins and Davis agree that all couples can benefit from financial counseling. “I have never seen a couple not benefit from having a dedicated and structured conversation around money, engaged or not,” Collins said. Financial consultation is important regardless of the status or relationship. “Waiting for an engagement to discuss these issues is often times too late to change course if you are truly incompatible with someone financially,” Davis suggested. Even if you think you have similar views toward money because you come from similar families, get into specific hypotheticals with your partner to know you’re really on the same page.
Source: The Every Girl
