For some inexplicable motive, I really feel like I used to be principally born understanding the which means of “golden retriever boyfriend.” With the latest buzz across the Barbie film, the time period has had a resurgence with the character of Ken who allegedly has large golden retriever boyfriend power. However what does it actually imply for an individual to have golden retriever power, and is it actually nearly as good of a factor because it appears? In spite of everything, golden retrievers are lovely…however there are just a few crimson flags to look out for for those who assume you may need a golden retriever boyfriend (or associate). To look at this additional, we’re breaking down precisely what it means and the right way to know when you have one, plus we’re sharing 4 crimson flags to look out for that may enable you resolve if or when it’s time to depart the Mojo Dojo Casa Home.
What’s a golden retriever boyfriend?
Although I keep in mind speaking about “golden retriever boys” in highschool (years earlier than the rise of TikTok) the time period was first popularized in 2021 when individuals began posting about their golden retriever boyfriends on social media. From this stemmed a real definition of a golden retriever boyfriend: a big different that’s easygoing and makes it pretty easy to take care of a cheerful and fulfilling relationship. Sounds fairly nice, proper?
Effectively, there are just a few necessary issues to acknowledge in regards to the phrase “golden retriever boyfriend” itself earlier than we soar to that conclusion. Many of the males who’ve been posted by their girlfriends on TikTok beneath this hashtag are white and blonde which provides an inherently racialized component to the time period. Along with this, the time period itself does usually discuss with straight {couples}, and the hashtag #goldenretrievergirlfriend has over 100 million fewer views than #goldenretrieverboyfriend.
Moreover, as unbelievable because the definition of golden retriever boyfriend makes them appear, examples of golden retriever boyfriends in popular culture illustrate the place the optimistic features of the label crumble in relationships. Golden retriever boyfriends present up in tv and flicks with characters like Ken from Barbie, Nate Archibald from Gossip Lady, Jeremiah Fisher from The Summer season I Turned Fairly, and Peeta from The Starvation Video games.
These are all characters who’re extraordinarily passionate about their feminine counterparts, almost to the purpose of obsession; this enthusiasm can manifest in great methods like Nate taking care of Blair in *that* Gossip Lady Thanksgiving episode. It will possibly additionally manifest in troubling methods like Ken shopping for arduous into the patriarchy by demanding that Barbie be his “long-term long-distance low-commitment informal girlfriend.” It’s additionally paying homage to final fall’s popular culture phenomenon of the “spouse man”—a person who could be very publicly obsessed along with his spouse, receives reward for his relationship, after which proceeds to secretly not be such an excellent man in a scandal of epic proportions.
Since golden retriever boyfriends can have such conflicting traits, how have you learnt for those who’re getting all of the so-called optimistic traits of a golden retriever associate (ahem) or the not-so-great ones? Be careful for the crimson flags forward.
Crimson flags to look out for out of your golden retriever boyfriend
You don’t really feel like you possibly can spend time aside from them
We’ve all heard phrases like “codependency” thrown round with out actually gaining a real understanding of what they really imply. Remedy-speak apart, at first look, it all the time looks as if an awesome factor to have a associate who consistently needs to be by your facet. Nevertheless, your independence, social time, and alone time matter, which is why maintaining a watch out for this crimson flag is a good suggestion in any relationship. Most of the movies beneath the “golden retriever boyfriend” tag on TikTok function ladies sharing simply how connected their companions are to them on a day-to-day foundation, whether or not by way of bodily proximity or time spent. Ensuring that you’re sustaining communication along with your associate about how a lot time you might be spending collectively, particularly in case you are feeling smothered, is a good name for those who assume you may have a golden retriever associate.
They depend on you for issues that aren’t your duty
You probably have seen Barbie, you realize that one of many main classes within the movie is that girls aren’t liable for serving to males discover themselves. As an alternative of changing into Ken’s “long-term long-distance low-commitment informal girlfriend,” Barbie primarily tells Ken to type out his identification disaster on his personal. On a broader scale, it’s necessary to look out for moments while you is likely to be taking up an emotional or literal burden to your associate. Talking from private expertise, in a earlier relationship with a golden retriever boy, I took on a variety of issues that weren’t my very own, and I beat myself up once I couldn’t clear up them for him. When this occurs, it’s doing a disservice to each you and your associate—golden retriever companions need to learn to combat their very own battles.
They count on reward for being an excellent associate
That is one other trait amongst golden retriever boyfriends that Barbie exposes, and it’s one which the golden retriever boyfriend and the “spouse man” have in frequent. When it comes right down to it, lots of the traits which were attributed to “golden retriever boyfriends” ought to actually simply be the baseline expectation for many romantic relationships. An article from Elite Every day on the golden retriever boyfriend development states, “In line with TikTok, loyalty, cheerfulness, and a puppy-like disposition create the recipe for an ideal associate.” Canine analogies apart, shouldn’t all of us count on our companions to be loyal and excited to spend time with us? In case your golden retriever associate is aware of they’re a golden retriever associate and expects reward from individuals exterior of your relationship for his primary loyalty and enthusiasm, that could be a crimson flag.
They reply poorly to being referred to as out
Irrespective of the character of your relationship, accountability is necessary, and the truth of grownup relationships is that you’re going to be upset along with your associate occasionally. Opposite to what the web might painting with the stream of golden retriever boyfriend content material, in romantic partnerships, battle occurs, and it’s a must to vocalize when you find yourself upset about one thing. Once we romanticize one thing just like the “golden retriever boyfriend” with out exhibiting the troublesome components of a relationship, we normalize the concept any man who’s loyal, extroverted, and enthusiastic is past criticism.
Listening to how your golden retriever associate reacts while you deliver up considerations in your relationship is an effective solution to spot crimson flags. After I requested my ex-golden retriever boyfriend to vary one thing in our relationship, he often responded with understanding, however he all the time added the sentence, “I’m sorry for being such a foul boyfriend,” as if he was scolding himself for being a foul canine. This phrase consistently made me really feel responsible and pivoted the dialog away from my preliminary concern and towards consoling him. Although you could love your golden retriever associate, no individual (or relationship) is past human fault, and each of you may have to have the ability to acknowledge that. If they will look previous that binary of “unhealthy boy” versus “good boy,” they may simply be a keeper.
Supply: The Every Girl
