6 Causes of Painful Sex & What To Do About It

I don’t know why, however intercourse for me has gotten higher and worse with age. Certain, having an orgasm each single time is a non-negotiable that I’m not afraid to ask for, and I do know what I like and what my physique responds finest to, however I’ve additionally grow to be extra susceptible to vaginal dryness, post-coital bleeding, and experiencing painful intercourse.

I do know I’m not alone on this sentiment. In spite of everything, about 75% of ladies will expertise painful intercourse intermittently all through their life. Give it some thought—that’s ¾ of the feminine inhabitants. And regardless of society’s blatant disregard for feminine sexual wellness, our pleasure issues.

Make no mistake: Intercourse is just not imagined to be painful. Which is why I tapped somatic sexologist Kiana Reeves for her skilled perception on painful intercourse. Forward, Reeves breaks down what precisely painful intercourse is, the 6 commonest culprits of it, and what to do if you happen to’re experiencing it. Preserve scrolling to be taught extra.

What precisely is painful intercourse?

First issues first: There are totally different sorts of ache. Based on Reeves, some ache can really really feel good, pleasurable, and arousing, relying in your erotic preferences. Nonetheless, sure kinds of ache—particularly vaginal or pelvic ache—are often indicative of one thing deeper. “This sort of ache often has a novel feeling to it, and may really feel like burning, tearing, sharp, sizzling, piercing, or simply very uncomfortable,” Reeves defined. She additionally mentioned that that is the sort of ache you don’t need throughout a sexual expertise, which is why it’s vital to speak to your gynecologist and get interested by what’s inflicting this so you may resolve the issue.

Frequent Culprits of Painful Intercourse

1. Lack of lubrication and arousal

Lack of lubrication and arousal is likely one of the commonest culprits of painful intercourse, and as a rule, it comes from dashing into issues. “When penetration or an excessive amount of vigorous sexual stimulation occurs earlier than you’re totally aroused, it could trigger ache and discomfort,” Reeves informed me. “An excessive amount of friction may cause micro-tears within the vagina and vulva, which might make intercourse painful and trigger discomfort for days afterwards.”

2. Bacterial or yeast infections

Not solely are bacterial and yeast infections annoying and downright painful, Reeves says they may also be chargeable for painful intercourse. This is because of the truth that most of these infections can irritate the tissue within the vulva and vagina, inflicting fast ache. And having intercourse with a bacterial or yeast an infection may make signs worse, enhance ache, and extend therapeutic time.

3. Hormonal fluctuations and issues

Have you ever ever seen that issues are inclined to get drier down there throughout sure instances in your cycle? Turns on the market’s a motive for this: Hormonal fluctuations can enhance vaginal dryness, which might create ache and discomfort throughout intercourse. “Hormonal fluctuations can impression the vaginal tissues and pure lubrication, and pure life levels like postpartum and menopause may cause modifications within the physique and impression your vaginal microbiome,” Reeves defined to me. Likewise, hormonal issues, like polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) or endometriosis, may make intercourse painful.

4. Pelvic ground stress

The pelvic ground is likely one of the largest unsung heroes within the physique. It’s chargeable for bladder and bowel actions, helps the reproductive system, and promotes a wholesome intercourse. Nonetheless, in response to Reeves, any elevated stress to the pelvic ground—attributable to stress, nervousness, vaginismus, or vulvodynia—could make intercourse unenjoyable, downright painful, or damn-near unimaginable. It’s because your muscle tissues can’t calm down or contract once they’re imagined to so as to make intercourse pleasurable and penetration doable, and each of these items can inhibit your capability to orgasm.

5. Scar tissue

“Scar tissue is one other widespread motive ladies expertise painful intercourse, and it could come from plenty of issues,” Reeves informed me. She listed childbirth, scarring from pelvic procedures or surgical procedures, and endometriosis as among the most common aggressors of this.

6. Unprocessed feelings

It’s no secret that stress can manifest bodily within the physique, and unprocessed feelings are not any totally different. “The physique is the messenger of the unconscious, and large, unfelt feelings can have a continual impression on our capability to really feel current or totally out there for connection and pleasure throughout sexual expertise,” Reeves defined. These unprocessed feelings can stem from plenty of issues, together with a traumatic expertise or every day life. Within the latter occasion, this often comes from not permitting ourselves to really entry and really feel feelings we’re recurrently experiencing.

How To Deal With Painful Intercourse

1. Emphasize foreplay

If a scarcity of lubrication and arousal is the explanation you’re experiencing painful intercourse, the excellent news is that it’s a simple repair—all it’s essential do is emphasize foreplay. Reeves recommends giving your self a mean of 20-40 minutes to do that. Not solely will this offer you an opportunity to get totally aroused and correctly lubricated, it’ll additionally extend the session, which actually isn’t a nasty factor. She additionally suggests speaking to your sexual accomplice forward of time and letting them know what you want so as to be adequately turned on.

2. Preserve a pleasure journal

“In case you’re experiencing any blocks to pleasure or feeling prefer it’s exhausting to attach along with your physique, step one is to follow feeling pleasure in your physique recurrently,” Reeves informed me. She mentioned that she encourages everybody she works with to maintain just a little “pleasure” journal with all of them day, to allow them to write down at any time when they discover or expertise emotions of delight. As a rule, this usually comes from the simplest acts, equivalent to consuming, showering, or transferring the physique.

“Participating on this follow will make it easier to practice your consideration in the direction of constructive and pleasurable experiences,” Reeves defined. Likewise, it’ll additionally educate you find out how to give your self permission to indulge, which might help you totally calm down and get into all the pieces when it’s time to play.

3. At all times use clear, vagina-friendly lube

It’s taken a while, however we’re lastly rewriting the narrative that enlisting the assistance of any “pals”—like intercourse toys, lube, and many others.—within the bed room is a nasty factor. In reality, Reeves strongly advises getting within the behavior of utilizing clear, vaginal-friendly lube any time you interact in any type of sexual play, solo or with a accomplice. 

“Utilizing a clear, vagina-friendly lube will stop you from incurring micro-tears attributable to an excessive amount of friction and never sufficient lubrication,” she mentioned. Plus, it’ll maintain issues good and slippery down there the whole time, which is a win for everybody.

Foria

Awaken Arousal Oil with CBD

In case you want loads of time to get aroused, that is the oil for you. The CBD helps calm down the muscle tissues down there so that you’re prepared for stimulation or intercourse, and the natural botanicals within the formulation act as a pure aphrodisiac. Collectively, they enhance arousal, improve pleasure, and intensify orgasms. All it’s a must to do is apply topically to the interior labia, clitoris and contained in the vagina and permit 5-Half-hour to take full impact.

Foria

Intimacy Intercourse Oil with CBD

This all-natural lube has simply two substances: CBD and coconut oil, so you may belief what you’re placing on and inside your physique. Apply this lubricant generously to intimate areas to ease discomfort, enhance arousal, and improve your general sexual expertise.

Use breath, sound, and motion

Reeves can be an enormous fan of utilizing breath, sound, and motion to assist the physique clear and course of feelings being held inside. “Breath, sound, and motion are instruments that assist monitor sensation within the physique and combine undigested emotional experiences,” she defined. She additionally mentioned that these instruments assist the physique develop a higher capability for feeling protected and regulating the nervous system. “In case you deal with pleasurable sensations in your physique whilst you’re transferring your physique, you may assist your mind construct pathways which can be out there and open to pleasure.”

To get began, Reeves suggests placing on a playlist you’re keen on each evening, then discovering a spot in your own home that has a rug and the house the place you may transfer round freely. When you’re there, use the impulses your physique provides you for breath, sound, and motion. “It’s so gratifying, and such a great way to coach your physique into a spot of security, pleasure, and expression,” Reeves informed me.

Enlist the assistance of an expert

“In case you’re having continual and severe ache throughout intercourse, it may be as a consequence of ongoing irritation, scar tissue, or hormonal imbalances {that a} skilled might help you with,” Reeves mentioned. Whereas she recommends seeing your gynecologist any time you’re experiencing sexual discomfort, she additionally suggests wanting into methods you may heal your physique holistically by working with a superb pelvic ground therapist or useful physician.

That mentioned, if you happen to’re having hassle connecting to your physique or are recurrently interrupted by ideas and emotions that don’t can help you really feel pleasure, Reeves suggests enlisting the assistance of a somatic intercourse therapist. “They’ll make it easier to work the layers of your unconscious to carry these emotions to completion, in order that they don’t proceed to carry you out of the current second and interrupt your connection to pleasurable sensations,” she mentioned.