I vividly recall filling out my first dating profile on an app. I was in my early 20s, and as I selected my preferences, I pictured my dream partner: 6’2, great job, loves working out, lives in my neighborhood. Bonus points if he took a picture of him with a dog. Automatic “no” if he had a picture with a fish. You may have guessed that I did not know much about the subject of dating at that point. I hadn’t given any thought to the things I truly valued in a partner or the type of relationship I really wanted. Apps were more fun than a complement to my dating life because I was still meeting tons of people in person.
Now, years later, *a lot* has changed in the dating world. Apps are the key to romantic connections. We must use them properly if we want to have any chance of meeting someone we are interested. My preferences used to be height, distance, and a flashy job title. But I now value passion, commitment to personal development, and a healthy communication style. Thankfully, I’m not alone in my shifting priorities. As the dating world has changed, so have the conversations about mental health, personal development, self-care, and other topics.
Therapy dates are becoming more popular with the advent of #therapytok The Bachelor, and more companies putting a focus on mental health, I wasn’t exactly surprised to learn that mental health is important to daters today—but what I didn’t realize is how important it is. Hinge data shows that 97% would prefer to date someone who actively cares for their mental health and 91% would prefer to be accompanied by someone who is in therapy. Many of us now consider what was once a taboo or red flag a necessity.
Hinge has released a series of self-care-focused profile prompts in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month. According to Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science Logan Ury, these new prompts were created to “inspire vulnerable conversations and promote mental health awareness.” TLDR, use these prompts the right way, and you’ll be well on your way to meeting someone whose values are aligned with your own and who is willing to put in the work on themselves and the relationship.
You can use these new prompts! Get out your phones, because Ury is giving us all the insider info on how to use Hinge’s self-care prompts to get more potential matches. Plus, she’s going to help us all get off the app and on more dates IRL. Read on for her expert advice—and actual response recommendations for you to copy and paste.
It all starts with the photos
We’ll get to the prompts, but (as we all probably guessed) a good dating app profile begins with good photos. “Your photos make the first impression,” Ury said. Instead of just selecting the last six pictures you took, “choose six that tell your story.”
My profile starts with a picture of me. You can clearly see my face without sunglasses.This is followed by a photo of me alone, which shows my love for running. It is followed by a picture that I took at my last marathon (showcasing how much I love running), me with friends, and some travel-related photos. Ury recommended having “at least one photo of your full body and one that shows you doing an activity you love.”
Invite Conversation
Hinge isn’t about the mindless swipes you might do on other apps. Instead, the only way to match is by liking or commenting on something specific on another user’s profile. There is nothing more frustrating for me than finding a guy on Hinge who I want to match with but who hasn’t given me much to work with on their profile. We all want more matches. Dating is a numbers game.We all want more matches, so why not make it easier for people who are interested in dating you to match?
To do this, Ury advised answering the prompts “in a way that encourages more in-depth conversations.” She wants everyone to skip the one-word answers and write something that invites people to respond.
Decide what you want to say about yourself
When it comes to designing a great profile, one of Ury’s “key tips” is to “think through three things you want to express about yourself and use your photos and prompts to get those messages across.” Be thoughtful about what you want to say and the conversations you want to spark. Remember to take the prompts seriously. Ury even stated that not doing so could be a red alert, specifically for self-care prompts. “While your profile should be a mixture of humor and vulnerability, these self-care prompts deserve a genuine response,” she said.
Here are a few of Ury’s suggestions for the new prompts:
- A mine boundary is:Mutual respect. I’m looking for a teammate!
- I feel most supported when I:My partner makes an effort with me to get to know my family and friends. I’ll do the same for you!
- My therapist would tell me that I:You have worked hard to be securely attached.
- Recently, therapy taught me: I’m ready to find someone for a good time and a long time.
Finally, get off the app
Hinge is an app where you can meet people you are interested in meeting in real life. We’re not looking for pen pals here! Ury has seen “over and over the negative consequences of messaging too much before a first date.” She said “four to five days of chatting” is the “sweet spot.” After that amount of time, you should have planned to meet up in person. Reason being: “It gives enough time to build that foundation of trust, but it’s not so long that the momentum drops off.”
Personally, if someone continues to chat with me but hasn’t asked me out, I wait for their next question and hit them with a “good question—should we talk about it over drinks/coffee/(insert your desired activity here)?” There are two outcomes here. Either they will say yes and you’ll have a chance to meet them IRL, or they’ll say no or avoid the question. If they do not want to be matched, I will kindly un-match them and focus my energy on someone who is.
Source: The Every Girl