Do you feel like everyone is getting engaged? I find it hard to believe that so many of these couples are unaware of the existence of engagement announcements. WhenEngaged. Every couple is at different stages in life and relationships, but they decided to get married and take the next step in their lives. As someone who has been in a long-term marriage, I found myself posting post after post with ring photos. This made me feel happy for my friends, curious about their wedding plans and (TBH), a little jealous. How does anyone know when it’s time to get engaged, and what are their lives or relationships supposed to look like? I reached out to psychologists and relationship therapists for the scoop on how to know when you’re ready for that next step. These are the signs to watch out for.
1. If you feel ready to get married,
I would be lying if I said I don’t send my boyfriend pictures of engagement rings—often. But when is the right time? BothPartners feel ready for both an engagement and marriage. If one partner is feeling rushed, pressured, or unsure, the time isn’t right. It is not a good idea to get married if you feel pressured by your partner or from friends and family.
Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a psychologist, relationship expert, author, and clinical psychologist. Date Smart: Transform your relationships and love fearlessly with Date Smart explained that a common reason couples get engaged when they are not ready for marriage is because of external pressure from well-intentioned loved ones or even internal pressure if you feel like that’s what you’re supposed to do. “These variables often have very little bearing on the viability of a relationship,” she said. While most people don’t often feel 100% ready for big life changes (marriage, kids, career changes, etc.You should be happy with the person you choose to spend your entire life with. You’ll know you’re ready to get engaged when both of you feel ready to be married and all of the responsibilities that come with it—not just ready for the engagement phase because it’s what’s supposed to come next.
2. When you are both certain about each other
Both you and your spouse must be ready for marriage. However, you also need to be sure that you are committed to each other. Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill,Alicensed marriage and Family Therapist and the Author of A Short Guide to Happiness Marriage, has worked with countless divorced couples who were not sure about an engagement but went through with it anyway to “try it out.” Both partners should feel emotionally ready to commit for the long term. To ensure that you both aren’t having doubts or unanswered questions, have an honest conversation with your partner before moving on to the next step. Also, you should be comfortable with the person as they actually are (and not what you think they might become).
3. When the decision does not have to do with time
I repeat: There is no “right time” for couples to get engaged. Just because you’ve planned on getting engaged after a certain number of years or if you had a vision for your life to be married by a certain age does not mean you ShouldEngage. You can choose to get engaged based upon your feelings and not on the time. A couple that has been together for five years may not feel ready for engagement if it is not the right fit. On the other hand, a couple who get engaged within months of each other might have a happy, lasting marriage because they were ready for that commitment. In other words, there is no such thing as the right timing; it’s more about your feelings and commitment to each other.
4. You really get to know your partner
Whether you’ve lived together for years or have been dating for a matter of months, you should know your partner inside and out. Moments where you see each other at your worst are important to determine compatibility because you know that you’re not just in love with the best version of them and that you know who they are when they’re not trying to impress you. You should, of course, love all of their great qualities and traits when making a decision about whether or not you want to be with someone for a lifetime. You should not neglect their negative qualities. You will know your partner if you love your partner despite their faults and accept them as they are. This also means making sure you have similar life goals, whether it’s where to live, career choices, or family planning. You can be different in personality traits and hobbies, but it’s crucial to be on the same page about major life decisions.
5. If you can see them in your future plans
If you’re thinking about the next step, you probably have already thought about the future (and have hopefully talked about it together too). And when you do picture your future, you always include them in your plans, whether it’s daydreaming of bucket list vacations or more lifelong goals like buying a house and having a family. Their future plans naturally include them, and they should be considered. If you see yourself living in an apartment in NYC and they want to buy land in Utah or if you don’t want kids and they want a big family, you may not be ready to get engaged with such separate ideas of future plans.
Bottom line…
Every couple and every person is different, so there is no hard and fast answer to when you should get engaged—each couple has their own needs, history, timelines, and future. But hopefully now you have some insight on how to know when it’s time for you and your partner to talk about engagement. They say “you know when you know,” but I think that’s a load of crap. You “know” when you’re in love and have had honest conversations about your goals, dreams, and feelings and when they all align in a way that makes you feel secure in spending your life with them.
Source: The Every Girl
