If the last thing you want to do RN is turn on some Marvin Gaye and get it on or if “getting in the mood” looks more like getting enough energy to clean the house than getting sexually aroused, you’re not alone. According to a 2013 study of 43% of women, low libido is a common problem. If your sexual desire has gone MIA, don’t panic. While it is fairly common, it’s not something you should have to live with, and there are lots of tricks, tips, and ways to improve it.
First of all, there’s no ideal level of sex drive for everyone. If you feel like you’re not as interested in sex as you should be, it’s probably worth taking action (because pleasure is not a welcomed bonus; it’s a human right). With the beginning of 2022, a pandemic still in progress (yes, it was enough for your libido to be destroyed), I asked sex professionals for their best tips on how to increase your libido and live a healthy, abundant, and enjoyable sex lifestyle. Here are 10 tips to help you increase your sex drive in 2023.
1. Choose the right foods
You’ve probably heard about aphrodisiacs (there’s a reason we eat chocolate on Valentine’s Day), but how much does the food you eat really affect sex drive? “Foods like basil, bananas, figs, avocados, and garlic contain specific vitamins and minerals that increase blood flow to the genitals, which can naturally boost libido levels,” said Dainis Graveris, a certified sex educator and relationship expert at SexualAlpha.
How about the heart-shaped box of chocolates. Graveris claims that chocolate releases serotonin, along with other chemicals, which can increase libido. One study found that chocolate can promote the release of serotonin and phenylethamine in the body. This can have an aphrodisiac effect and mood-lifting effect.*immediately orders dark chocolate in bulk*).
Graveris also suggested that a healthy diet (meaning lots and plenty of protein and plant-based fibre) can improve heart health and circulation, which can lead to an increase in libido. Bottom line: It can’t hurt to experiment with how you feel after eating foods that are thought to have aphrodisiac effects, but an overall nutritious diet helps keep your libido healthy.
2. Try kegel exercises
You probably have a routine for your glutes or biceps. But if you have an empty vagina, you should also have one. The vagina is made up of highly elastic tissue and supported by a series muscles in the pelvic floor. This area can be strengthened to improve your genital health and sex life. “Women may benefit from doing Kegels regularly to improve pelvic muscle strength and regain libido,” said Dr. Alexandra Bausic, MD, a board-certified gynecologist and part of the team at Let’s Talk Sex.
Try a kegel exercise. Squeeze your pelvic muscles five seconds. Then, relax for five more seconds. With regular practice, you can hold for 10 to 15 seconds depending on what feels right for you. You can also experiment with what you like and feel most comfortable with. Dr. Bausic recommended kegel balls or eggs, which can increase strength and enhance sexual performance. Bottom line: Your ovarian needs extra attention (even outside of the bedroom).
3. Get to know yourself better
In 2022, women are sexually freer than ever, but even if we feel like it’s OK to do what we want, we’re not always sure what we want. Too few girls are encouraged to explore and express their sexuality. Not enough women are asked about their desires. Sometimes, it is as easy as learning what would change your mood to improve your sex drive. “Too many people don’t know what arouses them,” said Marla Renee StewartMA, sexologist. Author. Educator. Lovers. “When you figure out what you like, you can make sure that you engage with things that arouse you. That also means that you won’t be wasting your time on things or people who don’t make you excited.” Start getting to know yourself by making a list of your turn-ons and explore fantasies. Most importantly, Get to know your body on your own so you’ll know what you like with or without a partner.
4. Manage stress levels
Overbooking your calendar or having a full to-do listing could cause major problems in your sex lives. Even the important meeting next week, or IDK, a pandemic, could reduce your desire to get it on. “The fewer things you have to worry about, the more your mind will be available to tap into your arousal and desires,” Stewart said. “Do your best to be aware of what makes you the most stressed out and problem solve from there. You can’t eliminate everything, but the less stress you have to deal with, the better.”
Although stress seems to be a constant in modern life, Graveris suggests meditation or online classes like Tai Chi or yoga to help you relax and find hobbies that you enjoy. You can reduce stress and improve your sex drive by getting seven to nine hours of sleep quality. Knowing that stress can affect your sex drive is a good thing. Continue reading stressed, the key takeaway is to give yourself grace if your sex drive isn’t high during stressful times (like a pandemic) and prioritize stress relief as much as possible.
5. Recognize and treat any pain
While many factors happen in the mind, sex isn’t all mental. Sometimes women have libido issues due to discomfort or pain in the pelvic area (and sex pain is too common not to be discussed or addressed). “I see many women that come to me reporting libido issues,” said Heather Jeffcoat, DPT, a pelvic floor physical therapist, Author, and the owner Femina Physical Therapy in Los Angeles. “One of the most common reasons is pain or discomfort in the pelvic region, which could be due to endometriosis, vaginismus, vulvodynia, clitorodynia, or several other diagnoses that result in chronic pelvic pain or painful intercourse. Intimacy may also be affected if there is low back pain or hip pain. Pain inhibits pleasure in most people.”
If you feel any pain or discomfort during sex,This is what up to 75% of women do), talk to your doctor about possible causes and a treatment plan and never stay quiet about what you’re feeling. If you consistently experience pain (or are worried about feeling pain again from a one-time experience), of course you’re not going to be in the mood. You should have a good time with your partner. You don’t need to (and shouldn’t) put up with any pain or discomfort. “If you don’t address the pain and dysfunction that is present, you won’t be in the mindset to experience pleasure,” Jeffcoat said.
6. Concentrate on your overall health
Sex is not just something you do in relationships (thank God); it’s a key piece of your body’s health and overall wellness. A healthy libido is a sign that you have a healthy body. Taking care of your health can help your sex drive to be healthy. “Exercising and generally taking care of your body increase your stamina, improve your body image, and lift your mood, ultimately improving your libido,” said Rachel Sommer, PhD, a clinical sexologist, and cofounder of My Sex Toy Guide.
Steward agreed and said that even if they seem unrelated, general healthy habits can help your sex lives. “I highly suggest daily habits that will make you feel good about yourself,” Steward said. “Meditation, hydration, exercise, sunlight, and daily learning are just a few things that help people have more productive lives and feel good about themselves.” Keeping up with habits that make you feel good leads to more confidence in yourself, and, as Stewart said, the more confidence you have in yourself, “the more access you have to your own pleasure.”
7. If you’re in a relationship, work on intimacy outside of the bedroom
While sex is totally separate from love, if you’re feeling a lackluster sex drive with your significant other, making some changes outside of the bedroom could boost intimacy in the bedroom. “Talk about your problems to prevent resentment buildup and feel in a better mood for sex,” Graveris said. “If there are issues in the relationship or within yourself that you need to work out, don’t hesitate to talk to a professional therapist.”
Emotional intimacy is directly linked to physical intimacy. Make sure you feel safe, secure, and happy in your relationship. After all, you need a partner who you trust and makes you feel heard if you’re going to try new things and explore your sexuality together. Make time for quality time, such as regular date nights, open communication, and a concerted effort to communicate. Rekindle the flame if you’re in an LTR. If you’re still having trouble getting in the mood with your partner, consider seeking out a relationship or sex therapist.
8. Prioritize self-care
If you haven’t gotten the point already with all this self-care talk, know that caring for yourself is crucial for every part of wellness, including your libido. “The psychological factor is very important: Women have to be in balance with their sleep, needs, and thoughts to have a healthy sex drive,” said Bausic. “Take time to rest, have a nighttime routine, take a bath, light some candles, or do yoga and meditate—anything that relaxes you and gets you in the mood.” Think of your sex drive like an iPhone (is that the weirdest sex analogy ever?It needs to be charged in order to not shut off. You may not be doing enough to replenish your body and sex drive if you feel unable to conceive. Prioritize the indulgent practices that connect your mind with your body and stimulate the senses; you’ll feel heightened awareness that can translate into a heightened libido.
9. Try something new
It’s no surprise that routine is good for your life, your schedule, and how you spend your mornings. But it’s not great for your sex life. It is important to have fun and be spontaneous when it comes to sexuality. This means that you need to put in some effort and creativity to keep your sex drive strong. Now, don’t panic, this doesn’t mean you have to upgrade your trusty vibrator for some new toy or forego scheduled sex to be more spontaneous if you don’t want to (anyone in an LTR knows what I’m talking about). It could be as simple as making small, easy changes to make sex feel fresh again.
“One of the best ways to improve your libido is to try something new,” said Diana Wiley, PhD, a licensed marriage & family therapist and board-certified sex therapist. “Introducing novelty into the bedroom can help spice things up.” Yes, this could mean getting wild and checking off every item on our Sex bucket listIt could be as simple as getting up at night after work, or moving your vibrator to the bathroom. “Everyone’s different, so if there’s something that could get you excited, why not try it?” Sommer said.
10. Talk to your doctor
The topic of improving sex drive is always popular. We often focus on how mental tweaks and aphrodisiac meals can make a big difference. But since sex drive is a key factor of general health and wellness, a low sex drive can be a sign that something’s going on in the body instead of a matter of mindset. “Don’t hesitate to seek your doctor’s help, especially if you’ve tried all measures to increase your libido and nothing works,” Graveris said. Everything from medications to medical conditions to hormonal changes can affect libido, so don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor about your sex drive (oh, and if your doctor doesn’t prioritize your sex drive or take concerns seriously, it’s time to find a new doctor). You deserve pleasure and a healthy sex drive. No matter the root cause, if you’re not satisfied with your sex drive and can’t figure out why, seek out someone who can.
Source: The Every Girl