Plan ahead.
You can trust someone you trust like your local nurse, or an older sibling to help you with contraception. This is a responsible and powerful decision.
The basics
It is essential to be both legal and responsible. Find out what this means in your country.
As well as having adequate birth control and STI protection in place, you should both know your status regarding STI’s and your last test date if you have had any sexual activity with another person before.
Set the mood
You want to be in a safe, familiar place where you won’t be interrupted.
Make your space beautiful and tidy. A quick way to transform a room into a more intimate setting is to light candles. Just make sure to keep them away form the bed.
A tidy space makes us relax, because unfinished stuff lying around may remind us of work or other things – and relaxation is conducive to feeling more, as well as really being able to focus on the sensations and our partner, instead of being distracted by what we see. Beautiful surroundings are especially important for women, as they help to feel beautiful and reflect our feminine beauty. It can encourage us to expand, not to recoil.
If possible, create a romantic atmosphere.
You can send flowers and small amounts of chocolate to your partner, or buy them flowers. Don’t drink alcohol (if at all, one small glass of wine or equivalent only!) and don’t take substances as you want to make sure you are both able to give consent for every step of the way. Layers of clothing that feel soft on the skin, make you feel beautiful and are comfortable are a good choice. Dim the lights, and play music if you like.
It’s a big occasion! Let’s put some effort into preparations.
To conclude, Listen to your body and trust yourself.
Going all the way is the invitation – not the plan. Listen to your body, your partner, and their body, and if something doesn’t feel right, respect that. Ask your partner if they are able to stop and feel the feeling for a while.
Remember, you have agency. Make an agreement that each of you can opt out at any time – that is managing expectations, and is also sexy! Is it going on tonight?
Stella’s top recommendations;
Bish UK https://www.bishuk.com/sex/ by Justin Hancock
Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston
3 Minute Game, https://bettymartin.org/how-to-play-the-3-minute-game/ by Betty Martin
For specific questions about sexuality issues please go to my website www.StellaWithLove.com and drop me an email – I offer complimentary up to 20 min zoom consultations. We look forward to hearing from your!
This article was published first in Smile Makers. Smile Makers is a brand dedicated to sexual wellness and empowering vulva owners to have good sex. They are a brand that brings sexual wellness products to mainstream spaces, dispels limiting beliefs about vulva sexuality, and fosters a global, joy-positive, and light-hearted discussion about sex.
Source: Her World