We’ve all felt burnout at work—especially in these days of Zoom—but dating burnout is just as real as its corporate sibling. According to Match.com’s chief dating expert Rachel DeAlto, “Dating burnout is not only common but normal.”
I’m firm on the belief that dating should be fun. In all my years of online dating, I’ve always stuck with the same motto that even if it doesn’t work out, at least I’ll get a good story out of it. What do you do when online dating becomes boring? Burnout symptoms include fatigue, loss in motivation, self doubt, feelings of hopelessness, and general negativity.
As someone who has spent countless nights swiping, these symptoms hit home more than I’d like to admit. We’re told constantly that dating is a numbers game, but is dating while you’re not in the right mindset counterproductive? If you find yourself looking at the same people over and over again, it might be time for a break. Let’s face it, dating apps are not going anywhere. Let’s not be afraid to try them out and learn how to use them properly. DesignIt is possible to make it It is easierTo meet someone.
DeAlto stated that dating burnout was a common problem long before the advent of online dating. Burnout can occur “anytime daters are putting in a lot of effort but not seeing the results they want,” she explained. Imagine if you spent the same amount time and effort on meeting someone IRL but still didn’t get results. This would make you feel tired and frustrated.
Whether you’re chatting up prospects at your local bar or coffee shop or swiping from the comfort of your couch at home, use these five expert-backed tips to avoid dating burnout and start getting the results you desire.
1. Take care of your time
DeAlto suggested spending 15 to 20 minutes per day on online dating. This is much more manageable that the 10 hours per week reported in Badoo 2018! Burnout is a common feeling. It is perfectly fine to spend less than an hour per week online dating. What matters is How you use your time.
Spend those 15 to 20 minutes thoughtfully considering your options and proactively starting conversations instead of mindlessly swiping, waiting for messages to come in, or sending the occasional “hey” or “how’s your week going?” Match’s data reported that 83% of people want someone who is emotionally mature, so up your conversation game and focus on quality over quantity.
2. Take breaks
If you start to dread opening your apps or “you feel like you are working a second job online dating,” DeAlto said it could be time to take a break. Another sign to hit the pause button is if you aren’t even excited by the prospect of going out with someone new. You should enjoy the journey, even if your goal is to settle down.
“Do not date unless you are feeling positive about the process,” DeAlto said. “You are likely doing more harm than good if you are burned out and still forcing yourself to get on the apps, message, and go out.”
3. But Don’t Hesitate to Get Back Out There
You took a break, you cleared your head, and now it’s time for you to get back out (or on) there. DeAlto said “a week or two can do wonders” when it comes to refilling your cup and refreshing your mindset around dating. Focus on yourself and what brings you joy. You need to be clear about what you want from the apps. Is it a long-term companion, a friend with benefits or just a way for you to meet new people?
When it comes to getting back on the apps after taking a break, DeAlto reminded us that “the biggest thing is approaching the dating scene with hope.”
4. Know Your Non-Negotiables
DeAlto recommended defining “four personality characteristics that you absolutely need in your person and OnlyDating people who meet [those characteristics].”
I spent years getting frustrated that I wasn’t finding what I wanted on a dating app, and then I realized I had no idea what it was that I wanted. It was no surprise that I was always burned out. After defining my must-haves, my swiping experience was transformed. I know who to swipe no on and take more chances with people I might not have considered before.
5. Mix it Up
Multiple dating apps are highly recommended. It will help you avoid feeling redundant and broaden your network. It also gives you an excuse for a little facelift. Take stock of your photos and give a prompt response.
Don’t stop there, though. Be creative with your dates. Do you have a favorite spot for first dates? You can step out of your comfort zone to try a new bar, or even a new activity. Variety will make dating more enjoyable and bring back the excitement in your life.
6. Pay attention to how your feelings are
You attract the energy you put out in the world, so if you are constantly coming to the table (or your phone) with negative energy, you’re not going to match with the best pool of people. “Energy in needs equal energy out,” DeAlto said. “Pay attention to how you feel and don’t push yourself too far.” By tuning into how you feel, you’ll be able to pinpoint the times when you’re not being as intentional or when you might need to take that break.
It can feel like a job if you treat dating as a job. As much as I wish we were, we aren’t living in a romantic comedy, and the phrase “you’ll meet someone when you least expect it” is more fantasy than reality. The plus side is that there are millions of people who feel the exact same way as you and dating apps can help you connect with people you might not have met IRL. You will have more fun dating if you are more mindful of your time and deliberate about how you choose to date.
Source: The Every Girl