Self-love is my greatest talent. Yes, I have many days where I’m unhappy looking in the mirror and I often second guess choices I make. But I also love myself. It’s weird (and sad) how hard that is to admit out loud (self-deprecation is so much more the norm), but I think part of self-love is expressing it so that other people can feel comfortable expressing their self-love too.
However, “self-love” hasn’t always been on my list of personality traits or achievements. Much of my teenage and adult life has been spent trying to look or act different so that I was more “likable.” It’s taken me failed relationships, major life changes, and a whole lot of therapy to feel this way about myself. My therapist helped me to understand self-love and the areas where I was holding myself back. The good news is that self-love is not a destination; it’s the most important lifelong relationship you’ll ever work on. Now that we have all the cheesy clichés out of the way, read on for five things I learned from my therapist that helped me love myself and will maybe help you love yourself too.
Self-love is not a destination; it’s the most important lifelong relationship you’ll ever work on.
1. “Perfect” isn’t a goal
When I first started seeing my therapist, I told her about my anxiety by explaining it as “illogical” and “a little crazy” (as if that somehow made it less illogical or crazy?). I also explained behaviors like falling asleep with the TV on or scrolling through Instagram during my morning meditation time by prefacing with, “I Learn more it’s bad…” I’d get frustrated if I failed a health goal, wasn’t able to sleep at night because stress kept me awake, or made a wrong decision. I used these “failed goals” to explain what’s wrong with me rather than questioning that something might be wrong with the goals (but more on that below).
My inability to judge my own behavior was a result of the belief that I had gotta be perfect. But not achieving a goal or making a mistake is not a failure; it’s a way to get to know yourself better. Plus, you already know perfect isn’t possible thanks to every cliché self-help book and inspirational quote out there (so start believing it!But even if it is, Was achievable, achieving it wouldn’t make you happier anyway. You should strive for balance as a human being and not perfection.
2. Self-love doesn’t just happen
Self-love does not come from a situation. Just like happiness or gratitude, self-love doesn’t just happen to you when you reach a certain job title or pant size. It’s a muscle that needs to be worked repeatedly in order to make it stronger. Every negative thought, moment or criticism is like a practice round for improving self-love. You can recognize the thought and choose to think a more positive one instead. Also, PleaseYou will not love yourself if you lose weight, have a promotion, or make more money. That’s just not how the mind works. It is important to realize that you are worthy of the things you want in your life.
3. The problem isn’t you; it’s your expectations
So you don’t look like a Photoshopped influencer, can’t resist cheese fries, or are too lazy to work out five times a week. You probably use all of these “failures” as justification to criticize yourself, thinking things like, “If Only I had more willpower or looked more attractive, I could achieve what I want.” But why do you want to achieve those things in the first place? What if you could look like someone else? truly happier? No. Are you more happy if you exercise five times per week? No. Would saying “no” to cheese fries make you happier? Hell no. The truth is that we get so caught up in what we’re supposed to do, want, and be that we forget to think about what would actually make us happy. If You’re not meeting expectations, the problem is not you. The problem is that your expectations and goals don’t truly align with what it takes to make you happy.
When it comes to my own self-love, I’m letting my body Existence It’s in the right place. My “ideal weight” is the one that I feel most strong, energized, and healthy in but also one that allows me the extra indulgences, fun moments, and enjoyment that makes life worth living. To live the most happy life possible, our expectations and goals should be our tools. Otherwise, what’s the point?
4. There’s a difference between what you ThinkReality is real ActualRealism
My therapist showed me how my thought patterns would go into “all-or-nothing” mode, otherwise known as black-and-white thinking. Either I was healthy and motivated, or I stopped caring about myself. I could be working hard or feeling miserable at work. I could either love my hair and look great in my outfit or feel completely insecure when I leave the house. This way of thinking was problematic because I believed what my mind said, believing it to be reality.
PSA: There are always shades to gray in life. Plus, it’s not just gray but a variety of colors you can choose from. If you’re criticizing or hard on yourself, it’s almost always because of your mindset, not because of reality (read: no one else is as hard on you as you are). Realize where you’re thinking in black and white, then add in other options. For example, you can be really good at your job while still making some mistakes, you can be healthy while indulging in chocolate cake, and you can still be happy with your life, even when you’re stressed about parts of it.
5. Self-respect is more important
So self-love gets all the buzz these days, but I’d like to introduce you to a new word that’s even more important: self-respect. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t going to live with the Lizzo vibes 24/7 and love everything about ourselves (not even Lizzo!). You might want to change your nose, dislike the way you dress, or regret something that you did. And that’s OK, because when you love yourself (and I mean really, really love yourself), it’s not that you don’t have those thoughts, it’s just that you know those things don’t make you less than what you are.
You achieve self-love the same way you build up any other relationship: show you care, do what you say you’re going to do, enjoy time alone, be kind, and be thoughtful. Confidence is when you trust yourself and self-respect when you live in alignment to who you really are. You will find self-love and self trust when you aim for self-trust.
❤️❤️❤️
Source: The Every Girl