Is there a more daunting experience than trying to figure out how to split the bill at brunch, or budgeting where to take your bachelorette party. Not that I know of, except for maybe a PAP smear or asking that new guy you’re dating “where things are going.” But like it or not, when it comes to most types of relationships, money plays a big role. It has an impact on what you do, how you eat, and how your friendships develop. What happens if the money dynamics is out of balance? Well, things can get awkward—fast. So what’s a girl to do when one friend rolls up to happy hour with the newest iPhone while another is working two jobs just to make rent? But don’t worry, there’s hope for your group! These are some tips to help you navigate those awkward and stressful moments.
Recognize that the situation is normal
First, take a deep breathe and realize this is a common scenario among friends. Unless you met your friends at work or an industry-specific networking event, it’s unlikely everyone will be bringing home the same income—let alone be comfortable spending it the same way. It’s always been very normal to have a wide range of salaries in a friend group (cue the infamous FriendsThe scene below was filmed over 25-years ago! An individual who works as a teacher will likely earn a lower salary than someone who is a freelance designer of jewelry or an investment banker. You may also find people at different stages of their careers, which can impact your financial situation.
Don’t Make Assumptions
Glassdoor is powerful, but so are stereotypes about specific jobs and industries. If you have not had a conversation with your friends about the salaries of each person, it is best to avoid making assumptions and doing research online. Your friend who is an architect might be making a great living but have a lot of student loans she is working to pay down. Your friend who is an artist might be making a lot of money with Etsy and contributing steadily towards her retirement fund. It can be easy to assume someone has or doesn’t have a lot of money based on their job title, company, or education, but that thinking can gradually impact your relationship if you convince yourself you know someone else’s financial story.
Have a conversation about your financial goals
Instead of jumping into discussing how much you make with friends, have a casual discussion about your financial goals next time you meet for coffee. This will relieve some of the pressure if you haven’t brought up the money topic before and give your friends insight into your situation as well. Someone might cut back on their happy hour budget in order to save for a downpayment. While someone else is trying to negotiate a new salary or save up for a trip once-in-a lifetime, it could be that someone is cutting back. Financial goals aren’t always tied to salaries, and you might even find that you and your friends are working toward the same goals and can share tips and strategies. This can be a great, non-judgmental way to start conversations around finances that can help everyone understand each other’s behaviors and motivations.
Brainstorm New Activities
If you’re the one with extra to spend, be mindful to not always suggest activities with an expensive price tag. Your friend may not be interested in spending $27 + tax and tip for gluten-free pancakes when she could make them at home for much less. You can try incorporating new activities into your daily routine, such as coffee dates, window shopping, and an at-home movie evening. You can even host a potluck where everyone brings one dish and then you all rotate where you meet up. These activities are affordable and can be fun for all budgets.
Alternatively, if you’re the one in the friendship with a bit less money to spend on activities, be strategic about what you DoSpend on. If you and your friends enjoy concerts, consider skipping brunch or happy hour to save up for a concert. If you’re all working toward a common goal of a truly memorable experience, it can take away the sting of saving on other activities.
Set a budget
If you start booking a bachelorette or girls’ trip without aligning on what everyone is able to afford, you’ll find someone going full BridesmaidsIn no time, you can make a giant heart-shaped cookie. It’s always best to start any kind of planning for a BFF activity or trip by talking about the budget and aligning on what people value spending money on. To be able to spend more on food, will you split the bill for a group room in a cheaper hotel? If one person is responsible for the alcohol, will another be able to pay the limo and evening entertainment? If these elements aren’t agreed upon in advance, you can quickly find yourself becoming resentful, and that can ruin the whole experience. By doing some work upfront before you book, you can ensure that everyone is on the exact same page and avoid any surprises later.
Be Honest
As much as we wish it weren’t the case, finances have a say in almost every relationship. If you’re finding that being on different pages financially with your friends is starting to drive a wedge between you—or is making you feel bad about your situation—take stock of the relationship and see what you can do to make it better. Sometimes, an honest conversation is all that’s needed. If you’re close with your friends and feel comfortable, open a bottle of wine and have the salary chat to be fully transparent about where everyone stands. If you’re not there with your group yet (which is 100% normal, see tip #1!You can always casually mention that you’d like to save money on hangouts and offer suggestions for activities to try. Alternatively, if you’re looking to spend more on certain activities, bring that up as well to see if your friends are feeling the same way.
With a little bit of thoughtfulness and an open mind, you can find a balance that works for everyone’s budgets, regardless of how much you each make. Income differences might always exist, but they certainly don’t have to be an ongoing issue for you and your friends. Have a glass of chardonnay with your girlfriends or a cup of tea and get to chatting!
Source: The Every Girl
