Have a relationship problem? Jason Godfrey, our resident man expert, is here to help. This month, Jason discusses how to discuss the issue when you and your partner aren’t aligned on having children and the age-old question on whether men and women should split their bills equally.
Q: My partner and I fight fiercely all the time, but we’re like moths to a flame – we can’t stay apart. Is your relationship passionate?
Your relationship forecast is likely to be passionate with a possibility of mutual destruction. You likely wouldn’t fight so much if you didn’t have such strong feelings for each other, otherwise you’d have already called it quits.
The issue is that if you don’t figure out a way to tame the fighting, it can become mutually destructive. Strong feelings are a good starting point for any relationship. However, if you want it to last, you must find a way of balancing these negatives. Both sides will need to compromise in order to find a common ground. Although it sounds boring, it will keep you both from killing each other.
Q: My partner’s a “man’s man”, and thinks that “feeling” his emotions is a sign of weakness. But he’s clearly troubled. How can I get him to admit he needs help?
That’s a tough one, especially if your partner subscribes to the old school notion that “real men” don’t cry, and should take their PTSD to their graves. He may think that no one wants to hear his sob story, but keeping it all inside will drive him crazy. As a partner, you can tell him it is okay to be sob-stricken.
takes great courage to show emotion and to admit that one needs other people – it does not make him less of a man.
In fact, in the words of Brene Brown, the New York Times best-selling author and self-help guru: “We can measure how brave you are by how vulnerable you’re willing to be.” If you believe that he needs therapy, why not turn the narrative around and tell him that you need counselling? Ask him to be there to support you and he might be more open to taking the plunge when the right time comes.
It might be time to say goodbye the Dad bod trend
Usually when a man decides to take on a new fitness regime or health adjustment, it’s for one of two reasons: The first is for the ’gram (or what I’d call vanity reasons), and the second is because their doctors have instilled the fear of God in them. The assumption that guys want to look good for the ’gram might sound vapid, but the truth is that attractiveness is a major driver for both men and women. I remember that about 20 years ago, it was mainstream media that espoused the of the perfect “beach bod”.
However, in recent years, we have embraced the more relatable “dad bod”. Even celebs like Leonardo DiCaprio and Chris Pratt have been spotted – and celebrated for – flaunting a meatier physique. Singapore’s average life expectancy for women is 85 years, while that of men is 81. Are men making poorer choices than women? Lifestyle and diet are two of the most important factors in cardiovascular disease.
I’ve noticed that as men age, they become more concerned about their health. Many of my friends have made drastic lifestyle and workout changes to correct bad habits from their youth. But mostly, guys and girls work out for the same reason: because there’s simply no substitute for good health. And now: I’m going for a run. We’ll see you next month.
Do you have questions about men or their romantically irreverent ways? E-mail Jason at magherworld@sph.com.sg, follow him on Twitter (@bigsmilenoteeth) and like his Facebook page at facebook.com/bigsmilenoteeth.
Source: Her World
