So the newness of your New Year’s resolutions have worn off and you’ve totally lost motivation, or maybe you even forgot about what goals you set on Jan. 1 in the first place. First, take a deep inhale and know that you are not alone. Research shows 80% of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions by February—the cycle of goal setting, loss of motivation, and eventual failure is all too common. But just because your New Year’s resolutions aren’t working out so far doesn’t mean 2022 can’t be your happiest, healthiest year yet. I asked therapists what to do if you’re in that 80% of people who have already quit their resolutions. Continue reading for their advice on what to do next, and how to be your best self by 2023.
1. Set new (and more important) goals
Resolutions we don’t keep give us insight into what Not You can learn more about what you can do to help you set goals that you will achieve. Jessica Rabon, A psychologist and host of the Psych Talk podcast,It was explained that we often set high goals or have high expectations. “We set grand goals without a plan and make goals that are unrealistic based on where we currently are,” she explained. Instead of focusing on the ultimate goal and setting unrealistic goals, focus on smaller, more realistic goals that will eventually get you there. It is important to identify where you are now before setting realistic goals. It is important to set realistic goals that are achievable and easy. “If we set a goal and accomplish it, we are more likely to continue working toward a larger goal,” Rabon explained.
For example, if your overall resolution is to exercise more and you aren’t exercising at all, set a smaller goal to go for a walk two times per week or do an at-home workout one time per week. Once you have achieved your goal, you will be more motivated to increase the frequency and intensity of your exercise. “Goals are successful when we start small so we don’t overwhelm ourselves and we loop goals into behaviors that we already do,” agreed Kristen Gingrich, a licensed therapist who practices “no BS therapy.” This can be done by taking habits you already have, like taking your dog for a walk every morning and increasing the speed or distance in which you walk them, to work toward your fitness goals.
2. Refocus on your current behavior, not the end result
Rabon says that resolutions are often unsuccessful because we set goals that are beyond our control. Weight loss is a common goal. However, it is not entirely within our control as there are many factors that go beyond diet and exercise. “A common mistake is focusing solely on the outcome rather than the behaviors that will get them there—especially if the goals are extremely broad (i.e. get healthy, improve relationships),” she explained. You can narrow your focus by creating a plan that focuses on the behavior that will help you reach your goal. This will make it easier to recognize when your actions are not working for you.
If your resolutions aren’t working, think about specific behaviors that will help you reach your goals. These could include drinking more water, eating more fruits and vegetables, getting better sleep, or moving every single day. “What we should be looking to do is make any goal more achievable,” Gingrich agreed. “When we focus on behaviors and smaller habits, it builds confidence, so we can slowly build from that.” Focusing on smaller behaviors can then lead you to a bigger goal and ideally to your desired result.
3. Reframe your notion of failure
Failure is often seen as something that can only be overcome. “If I set a resolution to read five new books each month and in January I only read four, we perceive that as a failure because we didn’t meet our goal,” Rabon said. Instead, we can look at it like this: We successfully read four books. “In every perceived failure, there is a success—even if it is not obvious at first.” So if you think you failed your New Year’s resolution, you probably aren’t focusing on what you WereWith.
“We need to acknowledge our humanness. Some weeks are going to be better than others, and that’s OK,” Gingrich said. Even though we may not achieve our goals every week we can still view it as a success, if we try the behavior occasionally or make an attempt, it can still be considered a success. “We are wired to always look at the negative, but it’s important to Notice the baby steps that we do take,” Gingrich advised.
4. Prioritize self-compassion
When we feel like we have not succeeded at a goal, our default is to be hard on ourselves, so it’s important to put in work to give yourself grace and practice self-compassion (because being critical of yourself is not motivating). “Self-compassion has three components: self-kindness, mindful awareness, and common humanity,” Rabon explained. She suggested that if you are having difficulty speaking kindly to yourself, ask yourself, “What would I tell a friend in this situation?”
You can practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that it is okay to fail at times. “We typically want things quick and fast, but achieving goals and lasting changes requires a slow and steady pace,” Gingrich explained. In other words, remind yourself of the cliche that Rome wasn’t built in a day (because they didn’t see it as a failure, and neither should you).
5. Concentrate on your values
“If you can identify your values (or the things most important to you) and create goals that are in alignment with those values, you are more likely to stick with them because they align with the life you want to live,” Rabon explained. We are more likely to abandon goals that we set because we feel we must, rather than because they align with our values. Gingrich suggested asking yourself, “Why did I want this in the first place?” This can get you in touch with the reasons you set this goal and what you were hoping to gain from achieving it. “When you identify the ‘why’ that aligns with your values, you can create other goals that may be better suited for you,” Rabon suggested. This can help you find more motivation, and get you back on track.
6. Remember that the resolution failed to work for you and not the reverse
Our default tendency is to blame laziness, inability to willpower, or busy schedules for failures in resolutions. But the truth is that the resolution did not fail us. “If a resolution did not work out, it was likely too big or did not align with what we value, and therefore, we didn’t complete it,” Rabon said. This does not necessarily mean that it is impossible to work out a resolution. You If you fail to meet your needs and live a life that is more in line with your values, it’s a sign that your resolution is not working. Not every resolution is meant to be kept—some resolutions don’t work out because they’re not what we actually need to achieve. You can set new, more realistic goals in 2022, once you realize the resolution failed.
Source: The Every Girl
